4 Things to Do After You’ve Lost Your Temper With Your Child
You’ve lost your temper with your kids, and you regrettably realize the reaction should have been handled in a different manner. So, now what? The emotions may still be running wild, and it may justifiably be so, therefore it is important to cool down and ensure that nothing further will be said to hurt someone’s feelings even more. There are 4 things you can do after you’ve lost your temper with your child to end this event on a more positive note.
1. Rewind & Re-do
There have been many moments when words just slip out like vomit. The instant they come out, a huge feeling of regret blankets over you. While we cannot undo the words that have been spoken, we can admit to the mistake and try it again. I have told my children that we sometimes do things we regret, and we make mistakes. But most importantly, we learn from them and can act accordingly for the next time. Sometimes I will say, “Okay, hold on. We need to rewind and re-do this.” Then the next phrases can include something like, “I was feeling really frustrated when…… Instead of saying….. I should have said…..”
This can turn into a great teachable moment, walking through one’s emotions, and letting your kids see and hear what you are going through. I think part of the time, we try so hard to be this super parent that we neglect to let our realness come through. There are times I can be so hard on myself for my irrationality, but my husband reminds me that it is okay for the children to see we have feelings too.
2. Apologize & Ask for Forgiveness
It is challenging to admit one’s fault but is an essential step. Model how to say sorry to other people (and mean it). When apologizing for losing your temper, it needs to be genuine in order to be meaningful. Maybe you lost your temper because your child did something inexcusable. This is a good opportunity for an apology from him/her as well. Sometimes the kids will say, “Sorry” and that is it. We need to be sure they understand exactly what they are sorry for, so there needs to be a follow-up. An explanation should follow, and finally, the request to be forgiven. So in this case, we can say, “I am sorry for screaming at you, and using mean words. I was/am upset because…… (fill in the blank here). Will you forgive me my tone and the unkind words that were used?”
3. De-stress
At this point, you may still feel the aftermath of the anger. You may not be ready to have that heart-to-heart talk yet. Another option can be to say, “I am sorry for screaming at you and using mean words. I am still feeling very upset, so I need some space to cool down, and we’ll talk later.” Losing your temper can be influenced by the level of stress. Feeling overwhelmed, tired, or stressed can escalate the temper. This may mean you need some quiet, “me time.” Mommies should have time-outs too. If you need to go to a corner or a room to calm down and do whatever relaxes you, whether it is to read, watch a show to take your mind off of troubles, pray, sing, take a bath, nap (if it is safe to do so, depending on if the kids need attending to). A couple of these things may need to be put off until later when a spouse or family member is around. Making sure you have time for yourself each day can lessen the temper outbursts.
4. Reconnect
After you’ve lost your temper with your child, the lingering feelings of aggravation can last for a bit, but it should not be looming for the entire day. While we may feel anger, it is a temporary emotion, and behind it is the forever love for our child. With that said, find a way to reconnect with your child/children in a positive way at some point in the day. It can be simple gestures, having conversations with them, playing a game, reading, coloring together, or going for a quick outing. Ending the day on a happy note feels so much better than having that bitter aftermath, dragging on feelings of hostility for the rest of the day.
While losing one’s temper is not ideal all of the time, it does happen and will happen because we are only human. We can be redeemed, and we can move forward with our actions and words. Situations like these can be turned into teachable moments. They are good eye openers to strengthen communication and the relationship between family.
